I was recently asked, “Why is it that my Ex, who was never very affectionate or adventurous in bed, has a new openness about sex she never had before?” Good question. While I don’t claim to have all the answers, I do believe I’ve got this one covered. One of the most common pitfalls in a long term relationship is that we can get boxed in to a particular role or sterotype. We sometimes get stuck in the interpretations of others. So much so, that it becomes our truth as well. If our partner sees us as “frigid” or “boring in the bedroom”, it becomes very difficult to change. We live into that perception. In order to change the pattern, we’ll have to change the perception, too. Even if we really want to, it’s hard to make that shift when we have already been summed up and labelled. Without the support of our partner it’s seemingly impossible. If a real change is to occur, it will require some effort from both of you. So back to answering the original question…while there may be many variables to ponder, I believe one consistent factor is that when we are with someone new, we have an opportunity to recreate ourselves and a bigger space to grow into. Certain fish will grow to the size of their tank. We’re not that different. How big is your tank? Or the tank you put your partner in?
Archive for August, 2010
August 22, 2010