Bring Back That Spark Blog

Making 2012 YOUR Year!

Elaina — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 21:03:01 +0000

Tis the season to focus on your goals for 2012. So now that we’re nearly 2 weeks in, I can’t help but wonder how those resolutions are working out for you? Personally, I’ve had a long history of the stereotypical resolution that got away. It usually went something like this: January 1 – I am motivated, excited & enthusiastic. January 15 – I’m busy, distracted and more focused on staying afloat than sailing a ship. Febuary 1 – What resolution? (My clever tactic to avoid feeling bad about not following through…again). And so, committed to putting the kibosh on that buzz kill, I set out to explore what it would really take to keep my resolution enthusiasm high. My resolusiasm, if you will. Here are the 3 most impactful things I’ve discovered to turn resolutions into real life change. Happy 2012!

1) Be Clear, Specific & Realistic

Are you just heading south, or are you arriving in Austin, TX on Thursday? You must be clear and specific about what you want in order to achieve it. Are you declaring a “better relationship”, or do you really want weekly date nights and more adventurous sex? I’m just saying that the clearer you are (with yourself and your partner) the more likely you are to arrive at your intended destination. Also, be sure that you’re goal is realistic. Perhaps weekly date nights and wild sex is too big a stretch if you have newborn triplets. Remember, it always feels better to set achievable goals and build on those, then to consistently miss the mark.

2) Shift Your Focus From Outcomes to Actions

Sometimes we are so fixated on the goal that we forget to focus our attention on the actions. Without action, our goals simply serve as a reminder of what we don’t have. Even worse, we can begin to feel stuck when we are more subconsciously aware of the gap between where we are and where we want to be, than the steps it takes to get there. If your goal is to lose weight, forget the scale. Enroll in a workout class, hire a trainer, find and use healthy recipes. Determine and execute the necessary actions and gauge your success from there!

3) Dare to Suck.

I think the Dalai Lama said it best when he advised us: “Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.” Sure, stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a risk is scary. But if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. It’s time to play a bigger game, and yes, that does mean the possibility of failure. But here’s the good news. I’ve learned that falling on my face, (preferably figuratively to literally, although I’ve done both), can actually be exhilarating. Once I touch that thing I’ve been so afraid of, (which usually has to do with failing or looking bad), it significantly loses it’s power. I’ve also found that people fall in love with vulnerability. They are drawn to our authenticity and can appreciate, and relate to, our foibles and mishaps.

Don’t Judge Me, I’ve Got it Covered

Elaina — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 05:11:22 +0000

One thing I know for sure is when I’m consciously creating my life, my relationships and my career, I get results.

So why am I not always doing that, and what am I doing instead? The truth is, I’m probably defaulting to the bad place. As much I want to hide the truth from you…I won’t, because BANT (Bare Ass Naked Truth), while typically uncomfortable, is damn near always full of opportunities for awareness and breakthroughs. And that’s what I signed up for.

Now back to default. We all have it, and for most of us it’s usually not pretty. Typically stewed in self-doubt, our default presents in many forms. For me, it was all about judging and no one was off limits, especially moi. I’ve judged myself for working too much, and then again for taking time off. I judged myself for ending my marriage, as well as for staying in it too long. I judged myself for judging myself. I even caught myself realizing this silly loop, having a good laugh and then jokingly thinking, “Look at you, judging yourself for judging yourself…dumbass.” Damn, I did it again! That’s 3 layers deep. Often cloaked in humor and seemingly harmless self-deprecation, my default was sneakier than I thought.

I decided I was in need of a little tune up. I could see that when I wasn’t intentionally holding the steering wheel (in my life), I had an automatic pull toward self-doubt. It was like my alignment was off and I was inadvertently veering in a direction I didn’t really want to go. For me, a tune up came in the form of hypnosis. It was the perfect way for me to get back on track. Whether we are looking to sharpen our awareness, shift our default or dump a bad habit, it all comes down to CHANGING YOUR MIND, and what better way than from the inside out?

I’m pretty sure I’ll still visit the bad place from time to time. In fact, I caught myself judging this post more than once. Judging was a part of what I did for so long, however, now I can catch it sooner and come back quicker.

I want to hear your story. Leave your comment below or contact me @ elainamcmillan@yahoo.com.

It’s Been a While…

Elaina — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 16:09:14 +0000

Each new year I find myself motivated for change, ready willing and able, even if I don’t yet know what that looks like just yet…and for the record, I usually don’t. And so, I put out an intention for clarity, play full-out in the meantime, and eventually discover along the way what form my wild ride will take. I’ll usually figure it out by the end of Feb. So here I am, right on target…

When I reach out to connect, I do it to offer something of value for you. But today…it’s really just about connection. I have been distracted by my own evolution, and while you are never far from my thoughts, I know that I haven’t shared with you for a while. I often talk about how important it is to create your relationship on purpose and not by default, so I’m bringing some purpose to ours – today.

I want you to know that while I will probably always offer teleseminars and programs, I have stepped back a bit from curriculum to focus on Naked Talk Radio. It is now official, WKRP Radio Network is doing a reality show on PBS about the launch of the station, the shows and the hosts. The program will air for 13 weeks beginning 3/26/11. I have also been doing more hypnosis, as I truly LOVE to help people regain their power and control using their own subconscious. Doing it by phone has allowed me to open this up to people outside of CO and even the U.S. It’s been an amazing gift to follow your achievements (from giving up bad habits or phobias, to dating confidence, to improved intimacy). And it’s been my pleasure to walk along side your successes!

And probably most importantly, I am discovering how to marry my quirky, edgy, funny…let’s call it charm, with my commitment to offer important and practical info regarding all things dating, relationships and love. On Naked Talk Radio I’m being true to my authentic self ( a little goofy) AND able to offer value. It’s been amazing to find the sweet spot.

Please tell me (you can comment below, or send a private email to elainamcmillan@yahoo.com) how I can support you, where you get stuck, or what’s standing in the way of you expressing love fully and fully being loved. I’ll cover it on the show where you can listen live on WKRPradio.com @ 11am PT/2pm ET or to the archives, anytime.

Do You Love with Abandon?

Elaina — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 19:15:30 +0000

To love with abandon is to give up loving in a smaller safer way, in favor of loving fully. Loving small doesn’t really protect us, it just keeps out relationships limited. To love w/abandon allows you not only to fully love, but to fully BE loved.

Gratitude with a Twist

Elaina — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 04:30:06 +0000

Sure, we know to be grateful for our blessings and good fortune, but what about the challenges? How about all the stuff that doesn’t go as planned. Will you practice gratitude for those things, too?

I know I will! I pledge to honor and appreciate all of the life experiences I create, attract and allow. This Thanksgiving, I will be grateful for all of it. For my amazing family & friends AND the difficult people. For my support system AND my critics. For my wins AND my lessons.

How about you? Will you see challenges as an invitation to grow, or a chance to be put out? One thing we will always have is choice. What will you choose?

There’s Always a Train Heading to Crazytown

Elaina — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 01:56:55 +0000

It’s true, there’s always an opportunity to be in a funk, to feel insecure, to question ourselves. But sometimes, just knowing that is enough to keep it temporary so that we can get back to being our best selves!

Dare to Suck

Elaina — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 23:01:39 +0000

Because many of us have a rather strong aversion to failure, we’ve done our best to avoid it. Unfortunately, the most reliable way to side step failure is to play small. We do it in how we present ourselves to the world, in our careers and businesses and in our intimate relationships. But eventually we realize that protecting ourselves from failure only keeps things unfulfilling and predictable.

I did it. And I got very good at being average. I only skied the bunny slopes, took unchallenging classes in school, and dated down. It was a good plan, until it wasn’t anymore. Ultimately there’s no real glory in the wins when you already know you can do it without really trying. It’s like winning a game of chess against your cat.

If you can relate, consider doing it differently. Dare to suck. Become a little more courageous and a bit experimental. By giving yourself permission to fail, you actually give yourself permission to soar. We just don’t know it until we try!

Feeling a Bit of a Chill Lately?

Elaina — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 20:25:19 +0000

Some cultures (and experts) believe that the change in

seasons and weather can affect us emotionally. As a result,

we may find ourselves feeling a little introspective, restless,

or maybe even melancholy.

So what happens when this spills over into our relationships?

Well, they say the only thing constant is change, so I’m pretty

sure resistance is futile. If you’re feeling a little funky, try just

allowing yourself to sit with it.

A verse from one of my all time FAVORITE poems says…

“I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,

without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.” Can YOU?

Many of us have a tendency, I know I do, to avoid feelings

of pain, discomfort, uncertainty or doubt. The thing is, I am

pretty sure that that doesn’t make it go away. In fact, it just

keeps it lurking under the surface. So try something different

and see what happens. Try just being with the feelings. Don’t

over think it. Don’t make it mean too much. Just sit with it.

It’s often inside of our allowing that we are able to truly move

through something uncomfortable. I believe that we need to

experience a whole range of emotions and sometimes it doesn’t

have anything to do with anyone else.

I want to know what YOU think?

Trade Your Intimacy Issues for Limerence

Elaina — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 02:34:51 +0000

Intimacy issues? Reignite passion by getting your limerence on. Limerence is that period of the relationship where everything is easy and you can’t stop thinking about each other. Learn how to get back to that level of interest and connection with your significant other TODAY!

Are You Ready to Get Naked?

Elaina — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 22:51:28 +0000

Naked Talk Radio – That is!

WKRP Radio is finally launching my new daily talk show, Naked Talk Radio. Get naked with me every weekday at 11am PT/2pm ET as we strip away the myths and misconceptions about Relationships, Dating & Love. You can call in to the show @ 877.699.4662 or, if your a little shy send an email to elaina@NakedTalkRadio.com and I’ll answer your anonymous questions on air. Don’t miss this edgy and engaging event that is sure will keep you laughing while learning. If you like Dr. Laura, you’re going to hate this show!

N a k e d T a l k R a d i o

Monday – Friday @ 11am PT/2pm ET

Listen from anywhere @ WKRPradio.com