Bring Back That Spark Blog

Posts Tagged ‘change’

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January 13, 2012

Making 2012 YOUR Year!

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Tis the season to focus on your goals for 2012. So now that we’re nearly 2 weeks in, I can’t help but wonder how those resolutions are working out for you? Personally, I’ve had a long history of the stereotypical resolution that got away. It usually went something like this: January 1 – I am motivated, excited & enthusiastic. January 15 – I’m busy, distracted and more focused on staying afloat than sailing a ship. Febuary 1 – What resolution? (My clever tactic to avoid feeling bad about not following through…again). And so, committed to putting the kibosh on that buzz kill, I set out to explore what it would really take to keep my resolution enthusiasm high. My resolusiasm, if you will. Here are the 3 most impactful things I’ve discovered to turn resolutions into real life change. Happy 2012!
1) Be Clear, Specific & Realistic
Are you just heading south, or are you arriving in Austin, TX on Thursday? You must be clear and specific about what you want in order to achieve it. Are you declaring a “better relationship”, or do you really want weekly date nights and more adventurous sex? I’m just saying that the clearer you are (with yourself and your partner) the more likely you are to arrive at your intended destination. Also, be sure that you’re goal is realistic. Perhaps weekly date nights and wild sex is too big a stretch if you have newborn triplets. Remember, it always feels better to set achievable goals and build on those, then to consistently miss the mark.
2) Shift Your Focus From Outcomes to Actions
Sometimes we are so fixated on the goal that we forget to focus our attention on the actions. Without action, our goals simply serve as a reminder of what we don’t have. Even worse, we can begin to feel stuck when we are more subconsciously aware of the gap between where we are and where we want to be, than the steps it takes to get there. If your goal is to lose weight, forget the scale. Enroll in a workout class, hire a trainer, find and use healthy recipes. Determine and execute the necessary actions and gauge your success from there!
3) Dare to Suck.
I think the Dalai Lama said it best when he advised us: “Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.” Sure, stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a risk is scary. But if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. It’s time to play a bigger game, and yes, that does mean the possibility of failure. But here’s the good news. I’ve learned that falling on my face, (preferably figuratively to literally, although I’ve done both), can actually be exhilarating. Once I touch that thing I’ve been so afraid of, (which usually has to do with failing or looking bad), it significantly loses it’s power. I’ve also found that people fall in love with vulnerability. They are drawn to our authenticity and can appreciate, and relate to, our foibles and mishaps.

 

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November 19, 2010

Dare to Suck

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Because many of us have a rather strong aversion to failure, we’ve done our best to avoid it. Unfortunately, the most reliable way to side step failure is to play small. We do it in how we present ourselves to the world, in our careers and businesses and in our intimate relationships. But eventually we realize that protecting ourselves from failure only keeps things unfulfilling and predictable.

I did it. And I got very good at being average. I only skied the bunny slopes, took unchallenging classes in school, and dated down. It was a good plan, until it wasn’t anymore. Ultimately there’s no real glory in the wins when you already know you can do it without really trying. It’s like winning a game of chess against your cat.

If you can relate, consider doing it differently. Dare to suck. Become a little more courageous and a bit experimental. By giving yourself permission to fail, you actually give yourself permission to soar. We just don’t know it until we try!

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November 14, 2010

Feeling a Bit of a Chill Lately?

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Some cultures (and experts) believe that the change in
seasons and weather can affect us emotionally. As a result,
we may find ourselves feeling a little introspective, restless,
or maybe even melancholy.

So what happens when this spills over into our relationships?
Well, they say the only thing constant is change, so I’m pretty
sure resistance is futile. If you’re feeling a little funky, try just
allowing yourself to sit with it.

A verse from one of my all time FAVORITE poems says…
“I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.” Can YOU?

Many of us have a tendency, I know I do, to avoid feelings
of pain, discomfort, uncertainty or doubt. The thing is, I am
pretty sure that that doesn’t make it go away. In fact, it just
keeps it lurking under the surface. So try something different
and see what happens. Try just being with the feelings. Don’t
over think it. Don’t make it mean too much. Just sit with it.

It’s often inside of our allowing that we are able to truly move
through something uncomfortable. I believe that we need to
experience a whole range of emotions and sometimes it doesn’t
have anything to do with anyone else.

I want to know what YOU think?